Slowly Fading Days

The days slowly fade away into the next while the world is still sleeping. And yet here I am not sleeping. All the little things that are needed to be done in helping another seem to have me jump out of bed, just as I am about to fall asleep. And then it takes me what seems like forever to get my mind and body back to a point where it wants to sleep. And yet each time I jump out of bed... it is not the what I have to do that upsets me, it is the pain that I am feeling.

You see... at this point my whole body feels like it is falling apart. I have pain in places that I don't think I knew could hurt. And while a part of it is the weather... a part of it also is the fact that I am trying to be helpful and in that process doing more than I should. And yet in order to hold onto a place to stay... this is what must currently be done. And the desires of my mind to say I quit are there, but will never be shared. You see it is not the problem of the person... I am starting to realize that the problem is me. And that alone for now is enough to hold my thoughts to myself. And to slowly move forward in a process that feels like it is grinding to a stop...

Divorce requires attorneys... and agreement... And soon the ability to have either will vanish again... And I will be waiting... Waiting for him to want this process to move forward again...