I really am surprised that a simple goal that I set for the start of the year is actually being accomplished. I have managed to get 1/3 of the way thru the month. I have spent so much of the last few years not even being able to think about a goal. It has been focused on our safety. And that tends to take a lot of energy. More than most people would stop to think.
And yet during that time I have also been forced to have to think. Not just about the immediate concerns that we face with regards to funds, a place to stay, how to have a life and yet stay off the radar from my husband. But today is the first day in a long while that I am starting to feel a bit more calm. And that is something that I am thankful for. You see yesterday I felt steam rolled by my pastor, not that it was his fault. And yet it surprises me that despite the e-mails that I have sent him and the sorting thru how my faith stands after all I have been thru in these past few years, let alone my life. I honestly am thankful for the fact that my pastor is calm and patient. Even when it seems to me that my mind is going in circles. And to me it is seems that my mind is always going into circles.
I guess this point finding people that actually understand how I think. And people who actually write in a language that I understand... That is the true blessing. Because I am starting to see where events that have happened in my past have given me a tinted view of my faith. And that understanding of my faith is what needs to be surgically examined and then put back together in accordance with God's plans. And while that is not easy... It is the path that I am walking. One that I wish I could hide from... sometimes bury myself in a blanket fort to be safe. And yet despite the fear I am taking steps. Steps to talk and start the process of sorting thru my mind, and trying to understand what feelings are.
#thankful #Jan2014 #NewYear #Blessings
No comments:
Post a Comment