Permissible But Not Beneficial

Permissible But Not Beneficial ~ Just because something is permissible doesn’t mean it is beneficial to us.  Share a personal example.

I have always been a person who has tried to follow the rules.  And not create waves in the world.  And yet in order to accomplish this I have gone down a path of things that are legal, yet really are not good for me.  A part of it started when I had my first full time post college job...  I worked second shift and when I took the time to shop for food and cook, I ate healthy.  Better than I did for many years after.  But you see in the rush of taking additional courses to keep my student loans at bay and work... time seemed to slip away from me that I could accomplish the things one needs to do in order to manage a household.  And since I was a household of one...  I found a very quick and easy way to manage to eat.  Each night I would partake of running across Route 1 and heading into McDonald's to eat.  And each weekend I took advantage of 25 cent donuts from Dunkin Donuts.  It really might be the reason that today I really do not like to eat them.

And six nights a week... I ate my dinner and drowned myself in hamburger and french fries...  and then would numb my mind with donuts.  It was like I was drugging myself.  But it was also helping to deal with the emotions that I needed buried.  And food was the fastest way to bury them.  And that is where my weight gain started.  Even having reached a point that I did seek help and was being treated for depression... my weight kept climbing and climbing.  And yet it wasn't until my husband went to jail that I started to drop pounds.  And I still don't understand the why, but I know that I continued to do things that I could do... eat whenever... eat whatever...  and sadly that didn't help keep me into my clothes.  And yet I could go on, because this path of permissible was something that would haunt me in my own marriage.  And caused me to want to numb the voices around me telling me that I shouldn't, but I did.