You are More...

I have spent a great deal of time being defined by circumstances.  What you might refer to as labels.  But then you also have to understand that this is my perception of the circumstances...  Not necessarily what is the truth that God would state.

So... 
unwanted by my mother
father dead
sexually abused as child by non-family relative
raped
no stable home from moving
friendless
victim of domestic violence
survivor of domestic violence
unwanted by my husband
single mother
missing two children
homeless

broken due to infection...

And I am sure that there is a whole lot more that could be added to that list.  And yet I am currently taking a huge step of faith and working thru the on-line bible study Made to Crave, by Lysa TerKeurst.  And while the book is focused on dealing with food.  The book could be used to deal with anything we tend to value over God.  Because I have known for a long time that anything that takes God out of the center of our lives... creates a broken stool that we are trying to climb on to reach God. 

And so being the forgiven child of God (Romans 3:24), means that I am being seen as not guilty and not having to be punished for what has happened.  That alone is hard to wrap my head around... and yet it never gives me a free pass to sin.

Add to that being the set-free child of God (Romans 8:1-2), which is a concept that I struggle to have my mind understand.  Maybe I could begin to be set-free from the memories that seem to hold on in my mind.  The fact that I remember things in a great level of detail and yet at times it is like looking at a picture in a fog.  Or I could be free from the level of fear that paralyzes me.  And yet at times I wish being set-free took away all my feelings.

Then we come to the idea of being the accepted child of God (1 Corinthians 1:2), which is an idea that I dream for and pray for.  I want to belong and fit in.  I have moved so much that the last time I remember really belonging was years ago as a child in a small town with a very close knit church.  And yet I need this idea to sink in so that I stop running.  Because running is exhausting.  And I need God to show me the steps clearly so that I can feel like I belong to the church I have finally become a member of... stating that I would like to belong.

And this stretches even more with being the holy child of God (1 Corinthians 1:30).  This one is so hard because I feel all of the scars and see all that has made me unclean.  And to be able to know and feel clean again would be a blessing.  And isn't being clean what we all dream of when we talk about being holy?

Feeling unclean, and then knowing that I am the made-new child of God (2 Corinthians 5:17).  If I am made new then maybe I am wanted by God and others.  Maybe I am not my mistakes and not a failure.  Maybe I have not ruined anyone's life - - maybe there's hope!

Continuing on I am the loved child of God (Ephesians 1:4).  Which makes it possible to be loved just because I am me.  Not because of what I have or have not done.  That maybe I am worthy of love.  And that love might not include abuse.  At times just thinking about this makes me question... What was in that Kool-aid I drank?

In all seriousness it goes on to say I am the close child of God (Ephesians 2:13).  To be close to God like my daughter is close to me would be wonderful.  To be able to feel safe and secure in God's arms would be amazing.  And it is something I need.  It is something I crave!

But it doesn't stop there, I am also the confident child of God (Ephesians 3:12),  To be confident and know that the choices that I make align with what God wants.  To have the peace of heart which comes from this would be a dream.  Currently, I question every thing and feel many times bullied into the choices I do make.  Like fire fighting.

To finish this off today... I am the victorious child of God (Romans 8:37).  I never feel like I am victorious... I feel like I fail at everything.  And to believe this would be amazing.  Yet I think it would help to know for what is planned by God for the future.  And what is true victory... a victory that calms my heart and mind.

So I take the time each day to sink myself into God in the attempt to make the promises He has for me become a reality to my mind and heart.  To have my place as God's child absorbed to the very core of my soul.  Because I am more... and YOU ARE MORE!  We just need to reach out to God and Crave Him, instead of all the other things that we can place in our lives as more important for our comfort!