What
have I been up to? That is such a loaded question right now. To start
off I have been facing the failures of man way too much. And I have
been cooped up in a hospital learning more than I ever thought I could
need to learn about nutrition...
But in the process I have
learned much about the body of Christ... Many people who I know have
reached out. Others have always stood by me... And the
ones I guess I hoped would reach out.... have slipped away. And I
guess I could say unnoticed, but having lived thru the abuse, nothing is
unnoticed.
In the quiet that I have grown so use to... I sit
back and observe. I observe people to make sure that those I am
letting into my world are safe... And while I watch I take notes. I
see the world thru a very different set of eyes... Eyes that see what
people care about. Eyes that see how people are really treating the
broken around them. And while many parts of the church have reached out
on their own... The church as a whole has stood silent.
And the
silence has spoken a great deal more than the words. It has affirmed
the fact that they want people who are whole. That they don't want
someone who is broken, because they just might have to change their
focus. And when the world church is trying to change the focus back to
its foundations... I seem to have found the one church that wants to
hold onto a way of doing things that will and has sent people away. And
in doing that... THEY are sending away the FUTURE of the church. And
while in some ways I am a part of the near future of the church... My
child is part of the long term future.
So what does that
mean... It means that those who want to raise the youth in our churches
to be leaders need to step out a little from the way they think things
should be done and work on developing a relationship with the future.
And that starts by honor the small request of a little child. Children
were welcomed into the church and we were told to come to God like the
children. And yet, we as people are too busy to take the time to seek
out the child who is sick, hurting, and scared to comfort them. To let
them know that they are not alone. That there is a bigger support for
them beyond their parents. And that becomes even more important when
the child has walked thru abuse themselves or even knows that abuse
existed in the home they thought was happy.
My mind thinks back to
the Wizard of Oz... When they get to Emerald City. They reach the gates
and are given special glass that are required to be worn in the city.
And then they learn that the glasses are what makes Emerald City
green... That a facade exists in the world the people of Emerald City
know. And then I look at what I am living today...
I am
struggling to take care of our basic needs... Most of the wants never
even get looked at. And yet I am surrounded by a world of people who
are not struggling to find money to do something as simple as buy a
gallon of milk. And they just see that you are broken... And because
you don't fit into the facade that they need to have in their church....
You are asked never to return. And so a church and the people inside
under the steeple have managed to continue the abuse that you lived with
for a long time... And taken it to a different direction. But even
when the type of abuse changes... It rarely changes your reaction to it.
And you learn that supporting the poor in Africa... and anywhere else
you can think of is more important than the hurt and the broken who are
left to huddle on the steps of the church... And we huddle there,
because we feel God pulling us towards the church... despite the fact
that the church is hearing that we don't fit in.... WE DON'T BELONG!
And while we are all called to be Children of God... We feel like we
are creating too much stress... Too much trouble... And we stay huddled
on the steps. We don't want to rock the boat... We want to serve them
in the way we want to be treated, but have learned to never expect it
back... And when we see it, we tend to feel like we have had the wind
knocked out of us.........
So, have you ever stopped and
really taken a look at your actions and words. Have you paraded around
wearing each task you undertake for the church as a badge of honor to be
revered for...
So I ask... If we all took one small baby step away
from the facade that we have learned is the church and start seeking the
church within the whole body of Christ.... What would your community
look like?
Because in my world... being left alone and left
with the feeling that I don't belong... that I am too broken... Is so
much better than living daily with the abuse that I faced...
