"There will be One Day"

There are days that of late have felt so awful. I find myself searching for a purpose. And when I had a chance to go somewhere yesterday to get my cup refilled... I found that instead I was convicted of a lack of obedience. I don't want to be obedient and allow this divorce. I don't want to be obedient and go out to church. I don't want to be obedient to anyone. And yet I know that makes me sound like a selfish child. And yet the biggest I don't want to be obedient is that I don't want to put the words together to make a book about all that has happened. It is hard when you know you have a higher calling on a task. That you have been given a purpose that is greater than yourself. You still feel like... Why not someone else? Why does it have to be me? Why did I have to become an expert in things regarding pain? And yet I know the answer.... There is a force that is greater than any of us. And when asked by it... The only response is yes I will be obedient. I am not being asked to do things that will harm me. Yet after years of hurt it is still hard to do things that I know I must to help me heal. And there is a part of me that still feels like I don't belong anywhere. I miss what I use to have. And yet due to safety I know it can't be. And yet letting a new group of friends in is hard. I keep waiting to get hurt by them. And yet it is the person I am living with that causes the most pain. And emotional pain that she doesn't realize she is doing. And yet the only thing you can do is stand and take it. Never show the pain that is tearing you up inside. I know things are changing... But some days it feels like it has ground to a stop. And yet it kinda funny because right now I am listening to Cheri Keaggy and her song There will be One Day. And it is saying the very things that my heart is longing to say right now to the world. And I pray for the day when there will be no more abuse in this world. Because it is something that is hard to deal with. Even just the fact that it happened is so hard to face. And yet I wonder... What are people doing to make the day come when there will be no more tears?