I
have started watching "Touch" on Netflix. And it amazes me on how much
we are all connected in this huge world. We like to think that we are
all alone. And many times we feel like we are. Alone with our thoughts
and feelings. It seems like we forget that someone is able to read the
very thoughts that we think. That someone formed us and knows the path
we will walk. And that path is not always
easy. It takes some of us down roads that we could do without and lets
us make choices that might not be the best thing for us. And for
others, we struggle to find happiness and a sense of belonging even with
making all what we think are the right choices.
Honestly, I
thought I was making all the right choices. I believed in God. I got
married, then waited until we had a house... Then we had a child. And
yet now the path that all these right choices have brought is separation
from my husband. And more questions than I have answers to. And a
calling that I even question. Changing the world is not something I
would dream of when my own world feels like a failure. And yet the more
I watch this TV show... I see how small actions can changes lives. And
then those lives change other lives. So it makes me wonder how little
of an act it would really take to change the world. And yet it also
makes me wonder how much it would actually cost to support myself and my
daughter while I write this book. And would that book really bring the
change that I have been told it would bring. I know I have faced much
pain in my life, but how does explaining the pain that one has traveled
help others? I have had dreams of getting the book written... And then
speaking about the book... Dreams of being in different places than I
have never seen. And yet I find that currently I can't find the courage
to start writing again. The thoughts exist and yet the desire to write
has been eaten by this driving need to survive day to day. I know we
are to trust for our daily bread. But that doesn't mean that we wait to
have it handed to us... So I have used my creativity to keep coming up
with the funds so that we can continue to survive. And that does a good
deal of eating away at the time I have in a day.... Which is where my
time to write is going. And yet I know that I have to be the one to
provide. No one is going to hand us what we need to pay bills... So
somehow I will find the time. Between being my own lawyer... Being a
mother... and still being a daughter...
How do you find the need to
survive saps away your time each day? How is it keeping you from
reaching the potential that God has for your life? How do you see it
sapping away those around you for the sake of survival? And finally,
How can your actions help someone to find a path to a better level of
survival?
