Remembering the year... on https://www.facebook.com/Hope4Jessica
Maintaining
a page I have learned can take a lot of work. Especially when you are
also trying to balance a life. Kinda funny that the way this started
was to educate others, and yet I am the one learning more and more from
this task.
The other day I think I was shocked at my mother for
stating that she thinks my husband would not recognize me at all now. I
asked her why... Her response was two
things. My hair and I smile. Yes for the second time since he went to
jail I cut off all my hair... but the smile caught me. I guess when we
were still living together it became a balance of trying to please him
and with that my smile went away. And yet I have always been a very
serious person. So I guess her thoughts surprised me.
Living
with my husband was a lot of work. And while there were times that I
know we were happy. I have to admit that he pulled us both down. His
need to have things done his way... and not compromise... but in many
ways I thought I was doing the right thing. And yet now I am the one
picking up pieces. And he is still sitting in jail. And now he will be
sitting in jail longer.
I still have this desire to learn
what is going on in his life. How is he doing in jail? What mistakes
is he making to keep himself there? Because at this point in the
process I have removed all my objections for his release. I have
finally started to reach a point where I am aware that despite my
feelings I am going to have to deal with him, in some form, until I die.
And yet I am not wearing blinders on this process, because he will
have to prove a lot more to me than just the fact that he served time.
And I will do everything in my power to protect our child. So... I was
preparing for his release to learn it will be months before he will be
considered for parole... and it leaves me wondering why....
And yet I may never know...
#abuse #survivor #domesticviolence
