I
have been struggling for this past weekend. I have struggled with this
world around me with what seems like high school drama. And people
seeming to think that I can lie. And it baffles me when people get to
know me, they realize that I do not lie. I find it too hard to lie.
So, I have just always told the truth. It is something that I learned
to do as I grew up... Truth was more valuable than hiding anything. And yet this seems to be a hard concept to a handful of people around me to understand.
It has been hard enough that my heart feels like it has been cut. Like
the desire of their behavior has been to mortally wound my heart. And
since it is already so hard to trust. These games are making it worse.
And I am sure that they don't think they are playing games. That they
think that I am trying to hurt them. But I am not. I have spent a
great deal of time in prayer over the past few months. It started as a
means to control anxiety attacks. And it lead to the fact of my having
to address something that I have been running away from. I have to deal
with the question of forgiveness. Forgiveness of the one person I have
not wanted to forgive. And yet it is something I have had to address.
But for now... I am going to leave it at forgiveness. Because it is a
process. And ask you to stop and think of someone who you have avoided
forgiving... And exactly why...
