Change...
That is always something that is not far from my mind. Change is
necessary, but I have found it is harder than it use to be because of
the fact that I also have to think about protecting myself. You see
having walked out and been able to move on in many cases... you start to
realize how many places that you need to explain things to protect
yourself from being tracked down. I wish I could say that fear never goes away.... but for me it is still there and strong.
There are some easy things to do to help the process.... You can make a
choice not to have a cell phone number where you actually live and see
how far away you can get your number. We live in a world where calling
doesn't cost much more to next door as it does to California... of
Maine. And yet it is a simple thing people do not think about.
The other thing that I have been working on lately is faith. Leaving
was a bit easier for me because I had a community beyond my abuser by
the simple fact that I took our child to church. And while that
community was not capable of supporting us financially, and it was not
something I expected... They were there to support us in ways much more
valuable than money. Listening ears... Hugs... And believe it or not...
HARD Questions.
You see my church has seen me at my worse.
They didn't know how to react... what to say... but in this writing of
the challenges that I have faced and continue to face I pray they start
to see how simple it is to change Domestic Violence one name at a time.
It wasn't someone telling me to leave that made it happen. It was
people opening up their hearts and asking me how my heart was really
doing...
And now... I will be taking a step of faith that I
thought I had done so many years ago... And joining the church. I am
taking the step to belong to the umbrella that has helped to protect me
during these hard times... And even stepped out in faith to get us milk
when I could find no other way. The people who have challenged me to
think outside the box on ways to earn money to make ends meet. And
while it is a huge change... In many ways it is a small step. Because
all it means is that my heart belongs with the other hearts around me...
because the church is not a building!!! The church is the hearts of
people who feel the love of God and want to share that love with the
world... One small step at a time. Makes you stop and think about what
small step you might take each day next week that could have a lasting
impact that you might never realize...
