I have been dealing with a lot lately. And one of those things, as always, is pain. Yet the pain I have faced is not back pain. Pain can come thru many places we tend not to think about. And often some of these places are clouded with silence. We are taught not to speak about the place. Yet the place is vital to our living, and in most people provides a function that we just take for granted. And in many ways I have taken this function for granted.
Despite having faced major back surgery... it was not something that I thought about as special. And at that point I felt like I couldn't be more than a few feet from a bathroom. And trips out were planned on routes with the closest bathrooms by mileage. And I adjusted, but I still took for granted that everything worked. I was alive... I was walking... and okay I had to race to the bathroom from time to time... Okay a lot!!! And yet, each day I just never thought about it.
I struggled with times when I didn't make it. And yet, it was nothing because I could walk. And then one day things changed. I just wished that day for hours... I would keep on my schedule and take huge chunks of time in my bathroom. Each time I would pray for the expected outcome. Yet when one night 19 hours later... doubled over in pain.. I was praying, just praying to God that He would let me pee. It was even to the point that I honestly did not care if I wet myself. I just wanted the pain to go away. And as the end of a prayer... I finally could in the shower of hot water. Water so hot it felt like it could have burned me, but it was enough to finally let my body pee.
At that point I was put on a path with one choice of medication... and yet it did help. Sadly while it made it possible to pee a few times each day, it was creating a new and different level of pain. Each day would be this struggle... hours upon hours would pass with more pain and no relief. And yet I would finally reach a point where I would have to the bathroom, and it would feel like it would never stop... yet once it did the pain just would increase.
Now this lasted as months ticked away... and yet, today I went to a new type of doctor and a gift was given to me. Honestly while I was surprised how a cath, which is no longer than a pencil could be the solution that has changed my day. First time, was at the doctor office while she taught me how to do the process myself. I honestly felt like I was getting a taste of heaven. Something that had become painful... all of a sudden had a sense of ease. Months of pain, just turned into a blessing of relief. Something so simple, that everyone just thinks is normal, and I am now so thankful that despite the path I have been on... I just might have it be something simple.
It makes me so thankful that something so simple, is also changing my ability to see things in the world. The vibrant colors of leaves. The cold rain on my face. And to begin to understand that the simple things are sometimes the most important thing to see.
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