A new beginning...

Most of my life has been full of good-byes.  And in the morning I will say good-bye to my brother.  Growing up he was always the thorn in my side.  And yet often he didn't realize that I grew up jealous of the freedoms that he had.  And yet I learned this past week of how much he grew up hating being in my shadow.  And labels on us both are what drove our perceptions.  Smart, stupid, girl, boy, artistic, serious, even the jokester.  Each label drove us apart, until in the end the labels created a wall between us.  So much that the feud that started kept us apart for the last 10 years. 

The sad part of this whole feud is the fact that when my brother and I reached so far inside of our souls and had finished throwing pain at each other... we came to realize that in the end our feud was started by a lack of communication.  And the biggest issue was that we were both listening to our mother and she fed us a whole bunch of shit about each other.  In this process we came to learn that somehow our mother blamed us both for our father's death.  And to add to it, my sinful nature which God is slowly changing managed to make more muck than I ever knew it could.  And in this process I came to see how a simple answer to a question of faith can have an impact beyond what you even can understand.  And while we as Christians acknowledge that we are human and make mistakes... those around us can sadly hold onto one simple sentence and feel that it is the definition of our faith.  And yet the issue that the believe defines us, often is just a pinch of salt on our walk with God.  

You see we may understand that the message of God is Love.  And yet those around us can only see what divides it.  Issues on pictures, idols, sexuality, compassion, and more than I can ever think about.  These issues are dividing us, when we need each other.  Because one thing about being a daughter of Christ, I know that I need compassion for my own brother...  And while I can understand this, it was something that my brother didn't see.  And it wasn't that there was anything wrong with my brother.  It was simply the fact that we were not speaking the same language of love.  And when we are called to be transformed, we also need to take the time to step back and learn the love language of those we need the most, our family.

And maybe in these past few days... what seems to be good-bye, just might turn into a new beginning of the relationship we let fall apart for all the wrong reasons.  And I pray that I can show the love that I am called to share, because my brother is a very important part of my life, even when he is a thorn in my side.  I wouldn't know what I would do without him to try so hard to make me laugh...