Chart of Dangerous Behaviors

Emotional/Psychological Abuse

Potentially Dangerous

Ignores women's feelings, withholding approval as punishment
Repeated humiliation, both public and private
Blames victim for all faults
Labeling: "Crazy", "Bitch". "Whore"

Dangerous

Threats of violence, retaliation
Puts down abilities as worker, mother, lover
Threatens her with abusing children or getting custody of children

Highly Dangerous

Provokes following reactions in victim:
- Powerlessness (learned)
- Unpredictable consequences of actions
- Nervous breakdown, depression, mental illness

Lethal

SUICIDE

Social/Environmental Abuse

Potentially Dangerous

Jokes about role of women
Denies victim her history. heritage

Dangerous

Isolates victim by no friends, repeated moves
Economic dependency (gets her fired, takes her money, etc.)
Threatens to hurt her family
Man stays isolated and demands control of environment

Highly Dangerous

Hits, punches or kicks walls, not her
Deprives victim of food, sleep, medicine, etc.
Destroys pets
Incest or child abuse
Threatens suicide

Lethal

DEATH

Sexual Abuse

Potentially Dangerous

Looks at and makes jokes about women as sex objects
Jealousy may become extreme
Minimizes her feelings an needs regarding sex
Sexual criticism

Dangerous

Forces victim to touch or look at genitalia
Withholds sex and affection
Forces victim to watch sex with others

Highly Dangerous

Demands sex with threats
Forces uncomfortable sex after a beating
Sadism, sex for purpose of hurting, uses objects and weapons

Lethal

MURDER

Physical Abuse

Potentially Dangerous

Pinch
Squeeze
Push - Shove
Restrain
Jerk - Pull
Shake - Slap
Bite
Pull hair

Dangerous

Shaking, with bruises
Hit - Punch
Kick
Objects thrown
Targeted or repeated hitting for punishment

Highly Dangerous

Choking
Household objects as weapons: restraining & hitting
Bones broken, internal injuries, medical treatment needed
Use of knives, guns, poisons for disabling or disfiguring

Lethal

HOMICIDE

~ Source Unknown

Take the time and really think about each of these sections.  It took me a long time to understand that what I thought was normal was actually abuse.  But this was also the first day that I saw them. 

Walked out the door...

With the help of a dear friend, who I meet for the first time that day, I was able to begin to see that what I had been doing was not working and that maybe for my own safety things needed to change. So with the help of my pastor, I went back to the house and packed a few days worth of clothes. Then I walked out the door, with the last words he said to me were WHATEVER!

Death comes knocking...

I thought we were moving forward towards healing our relationship. And yet a simple knock at the door which made the dog bark and woke him, brought the fear of death from his own words. I should just kill both you and the dog.

A Day in court...

The time had come to first testify as to what happened when I Stared down death..., because I believe that one should always be honest and do what the law requires. And then to take the step of getting the first PFA (Protection from Abuse Order) that I had ever had. I did it to keep my husband in the hospital. Because if he was homeless he would get the help he needed to get better. And he didn't fight the order.

Stared down death...

I can still hear the sound of the gun discharging in our bedroom. The space that was ours alone, had now seen an argument that ended with him picking up a hand gun and loading it. And making a choice to fire it. The events that followed that night involved the State Police, an attorney, and a magistrate. And would begin to shape our lives in new ways we never thought we would see.

Our Eighth Anniversary...